Chubby
by AlchemistofSilver
Summary: Chouji was a sad little demon...


**AN: Well, this is my first story. It's a bit crackish, so read and either review or flame.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, Ranma 1/2, or Aladdin.**

* * *

The man was using his techniques more than he ever had before. Exhausted and sweaty, he looked at the redhead so close to him, and he could only hope that the baby would be okay. With a mighty grunt, he did the deed.

The Third Hokage died that day, sealing a demon into a chubby little baby. This is that baby's story.

* * *

Fatty, Fatso, Sir Fatsalot, the children called him. Gluttony demon, said the adults. Well, he decided, popping another ten cakes in his mouth, he'd show them – he'd show them all! Choji looked around the schoolyard and saw the Hyuuga, Namikaze, and Uchiha kids talking. Settling his eyes on the blonde, he thought of a brilliant plan. After his plan worked, he'd show them how great a ninja he was, and then he would become Hokage and earn everyone's respect! "Believe it!", he yelled out to the world.

Across the street, a famous director was pondering the meaning of life, the universe, and how to censor a curse word from a kid's manga that he was translating. Suddenly, he heard a shout from nearby – "Believe it!"With a grin on his face at hearing the solution to his problem, he skipped merrily away and lived happily ever after. Oh, and he became really rich (can't forget that!).

* * *

Chouji was being very stealthy. Using his clan's super-secret slimming technique, he turned into a thin line and dashed past the guards. Eventually, he saw a door with far too many seals on it, and knew he had reached his target. Just the thought of it made him happy – he had snuck into the Namikaze estate, and was about to steal one of their most prized possessions.

"Hey, fatso! Stop right there!"

Turning around, Chouji saw the person he was looking for. The door had a fingerprint identifying seal, which meant he had to have one of the Namikaze family open it. The only Namikaze he would be able to beat had just shown up – it was like a godsend. Bracing himself, he used his super-awesome ninja move of DOOM. "Ramen Rain!", he cried out.

Sure enough, Naruto started drooling at the illusion. "Hey, baby, what's your number? Wait, don't go! Please, don't leave me!" Following the imaginary ramen, Naruto bumped into the wall, which promptly opened. Seeing that the wall was open, Chouji knocked Naruto unconscious and went in.

* * *

Behind the wall, there was a desert- a massive, enormous, awe-inspiring desert. In the middle of this desert, there was a giant, sleeping cat's head. This cat's head was made of candy, and Chouji immediately forgot about his self-appointed mission and started chewing on said candy.

The head lazily roused itself. "WHO DARES DISTRUB MY SLUMB – HEY, WAIT WHAT ARE YOU DOING? NO, STOP! I COMMAND YOU! YOU CAN ENTER THE CAVE, JUST DON'T EAT MY EAR! I NEED THAT!"

So saying, the cat opened its mouth and sucked Chouji in, with one final warning. "TAKE NOTHING BUT THE TREASURE YOU SEEK, OR YOU SHALL MEET YOUR DOOM."

* * *

In a desert far away, a cave sneezed, releasing a human, a monkey, a blue person, and a carpet.

* * *

Chouji traveled a long way, passing mountains of gold and emeralds, never straying from the gold-laid brick road. Eventually, he reached the towering steps of stone, floating in midair. Without pausing, he climbed to the top of the many stairs, where a glowing treasure chest awaited. Reaching in, he pulled out several objects and threw away most of them – "A summoning contract? Nah. A scroll of seals? Nope. A weird-looking kunai? No. Ah, here it is." So saying, he pulled out a box of wonder and magic.

"Chouji, why are you in my basement?" Chouji turned around and saw none other than the kind face of the Hokage himself, holding the kunai that had been thrown away earlier. Nervous, he did what any boy his age would do in that situation – other than pee in his pants, of course. "Ramen-Covered Ninja Centerfold!"

* * *

Kushina had had a troublesome day. However, she knew it had taken a turn for the worse when she walked downstairs and saw that her son was standing near the open vault, nursing a head injury. She motioned for one of the servants to carry him away, before opening the vault and looking around inside.

At the Stairs of Wonders, she noted her husband getting up, with several tons of blood flowing out of his nose like lava flows out of a movie volcano. She did what any woman in a fanfiction would do – she beat Minato to a near-death state. He wouldn't be hurt by it, after all – he was a main character.

Several fan-universes away, Akane Tendo sneezed in the middle of a Uber!Ranma bashing.

After releasing her annoyance at her son being in danger, she looked up – and noticed something wrong. The treasure chest was open. Looking inside, she noticed that something was wrong – there was something missing.

"WHERE IS MY RAMEN?"

* * *

Shikamaru stared at his best friend as he continued to tell his story. "Wait, you stole from the Hokage and no one punished you?

"Well, my dad was pretty upset, but then he got the message from the Hokage that I was a really good ninja for stealing from him. I even don't have to take the graduation exams – as long as I give the ramen back."

"That's a troublesome way to graduate – but then again, so is the normal exam. What a drag."

"Shikamaru Uchiha-Nara!", an examiner called.

"Guess it's my turn… troublesome."

* * *

The next day, Ino, Shikamaru, and Chouji were put on a team. This was not notable, as the Yamanaka, Akimichi, and Nara clans had worked together for centuries, from the time before ninja. On top of that, Shikamaru had the top scores in the class, Ino had an average score, and Chouji had the lowest score in recorded history.

Naruto Namikaze, Sasuke Uchiha, and Hinata Hyuuga were on the same team. This was not notable, as the trio had been good friends since they were babies. Naruto, the son of the Hokage, and Sasuke, Shikamaru's cousin and heir to the Uchiha clan, were tied for second rank in the class. Hinata, due to confidence problems, had the second lowest score in the class.

Sakura Haruno, Kiba Inuzaka, and Shino Abruame were on the only other team to pass. This was very not notable, so nobody cared enough to be their sensei, and they all had to be sent back to the academy.

* * *

Asuma Sarutobi was surprised. He was surprised because he had given the bell test to his students to see how good they were. He was surprised because they were all good. He was surprised because they were planning and strategizing. He was surprised because they knew the meaning of teamwork. He was surprised that they got the bells.

He was surprised that the students had not complained about the bell test. He was surprised that Chouji had not complained about D-rank missions. He was surprised that Shikamaru had not complained about the C-rank mission to the new Octopus Country.

He was surprised because there was a stampede of purple dinosaurs running at him. But not really – he wasn't that surprised. He should have known about this beforehand – every time a genin took a C-rank mission, it turned into an A-rank mission. No one was really sure why.

* * *

"Okay, guys, even though you are all fresh genin, I am going to enter you in the Chuunin exams, because I can. And because I can't let my students lose to those of my eternal rival, Kurenai."

* * *

Team Asuma had been attacked by a creepy snakeman, and Shikamaru had only just managed to beat him with the power of his laziness. Chouji and Shikamaru were lying on the floor, sick and feverish, and only Ino could make sure that they would live. Suddenly, Ino was attacked by enemy ninja. She was affected with spontaneous character growth, and would have died if not for the fact that every leaf ninja in the forest had stopped nearby to have a drink from the lake. The sound ninja left, and Team Asuma left for the TOWER OF DEATH!.

* * *

Shikamaru had easily won his match against Kin. No one paid attention to Ino's flashback-filled match, so no one knew who won. Then, it was Chouji's turn to face the sound ninja.

"Muhahahaha, it is time to begin my evil monologue", said the sound ninja.

"No, actually, it's muahahahahaha", said Chouji.

"Really? Muahahahahahaha", said the sound ninja, before he started monologuing.

Chouji just spammed Ramen clones.

* * *

Chouji's match in the finals turned out to be almost the same as his preliminary match. Neji was no match for his infinite Ramen-clone spamming or his red chakra. He didn't know where that had come from, but a ninja always took advantage of advantages.

Ino's match was next, but no one was sure whether she won in the preliminaries.

After an epic fight between Sasuke and Naruto, Shikamaru was facing off against Gaara of the sand. With a well-placed Shadow Phoenix Jutsu and a black fire, Shikamaru had managed to immobilize Gaara's sand and beat him with some kind of Sharingan genjutsu. No one would have thought that the snakeman would choose that moment to attack the village.

The Fourth Hokage had died in the attack. Orochimaru had killed him with the summoned souls of the First and Second Hokage. Naruto had been heartbroken when he heard that his father was dead, but decided to carry on the Will of Fire, which meant finding Tsunade, the Fifth Hokage. But that's a story for another time – this story is about Chouji.

* * *

"Shikamaru!", Chouji cried, "You have to come back! You can't go to that snake! He's a traitor and he'll kill you when you stop being useful! Plus, he's creepy. I'll bring you back, just like I promised Ino!"

"You know, it would be too troublesome to fight you", Shikamaru said. "How about we go back to the village and call this a drag?"

"Okay, I didn't think I'd be able to win anyway", said Chouji.

* * *

Shortly after, Chouji left on a three-year training trip, to protect himself from some group of assassins named Akatsuki. They apparently needed a sacrifice, and only a fat person would do the job. And so Chouji left, for destinations unknown, with only Asuma and Shikamaru…. Ino didn't count, after all.

* * *

_**To be continued in Chubby Shippuden**_

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**Loved it? I don't know why you would, but review. Hated it? Flame me, please. Even if it's just a "good job", review, please. I'm begging you!**


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